Dear Mr Bakassi,
We wish to acknowledge receipt of your “Letter of Apology” dated March 3rd, 2014. The letter could not have come at a better time. We must confess that we were impressed by your concern for your fellow citizens. In case you do not know, your action was what saved the day.
Like you correctly pointed out, we have not told anybody that even a biro was missing not to talk of $20 billion. We are particularly glad that you have been able to identify the culprits who deceived you into towing that line of asking “nonsense” questions. We suggest that from now on, whenever those charlatans start talking about it again, you should start singing P Square’s song under your breath “You must chop my money”, that way you will not be able to hear what they are saying and getting swayed in the process.
Mr Bakassi, because we are impressed by your humility, we have decided to take time out to explain to you the $20b in question. First of all, NNPC is not careless and so cannot just allow things in our possession get missing. Secondly, we have the state of the art security facility, so arm robbers did not come in here to take the money. What we do in NNPC is dispense (like an ATM) or spend money and that applies to whatever amount, $20b, $48,$100b etc. It does not matter the amount, we simply do the “needful”
We expect that having felt our anger last week, you will not start asking questions like “who did you dispense to?” or “what did you spend it on?” questions like this can quickly make our anger resurface. We will also be very angry with you if you start using “corner eye” to look at our “beautiful aunty“ or at our oga that wears bowler hat or making inciteful comments about them.
We have released some fuel for your use, while we use the days ahead to watch if you will allow yourself to be deceived again. Please prepare for election next year and make sure you vote wisely.
Yours truly,
Management
Nice joke, abi?