‘I felt like I didn’t want to live anymore’ – Ed Sheeran reveals he wanted to kill himself after the deaths of close friends Jamal Edwards and Shane Warne
Ed Sheeran faced suicidal thoughts after the death of his best friend Jamal Edwards.
Jamal, a music producer and the son of Loose Women star Brenda Edwards, tragically died after a cardiac arrest brought on by cocaine and alcohol in February 2022 at the age of 31.
Ed, 32, detailed feeling like he was ‘drowning’, when another close friend, Australian cricketer Shane Warne passed away the following month.
In a raw interview with Rolling Stone, the singer explained he felt shame around his suicidal thoughts as they seemed ‘selfish’.
Meanwhile in the same chat, Ed also admitted that he’d developed an eating disorder as he compared himself to other pop stars including Justin Bieber.
Speaking about his depression, he said in the interview: ‘My best friend died. And he shouldn’t have done.
‘I’ve always had real lows in my life. But it wasn’t really till last year that I actually addressed it.
‘I felt like I didn’t want to live anymore. And I have had that throughout my life.… You’re under the waves drowning. You’re just sort of in this thing. And you can’t get out of it.’
Ed added being depressed seemed ‘selfish, especially as a father. I feel really embarrassed about it.’
With the aid of his wife Cherry Seaborn who told him to seek help, Ed started seeing a therapist.
He explained: ‘No one really talks about their feelings where I come from. People think it’s weird getting a therapist in England…. I think it’s very helpful to be able to speak with someone and just vent and not feel guilty about venting.’
He continued: ‘The help isn’t a button that is pressed, where you’re automatically OK. It is something that will always be there and just has to be managed.’
Elsewhere in the candid chat, Ed spoke about his drinking and drug use and how he ended up quitting both.
He explained: ‘I was always a drinker. I didn’t touch any sort of like, drug, until I was 24.’
The singer admitted to using a ‘few’ substances but refused to name them for fear his kids would one day read it.
Ed said: ‘I remember just being at a festival and being like, “Well, if all of my friends do it, it can’t be that bad.”
‘And then sort of dabbling. And then it just turns into a habit that you do once a week and then once a day and then, like, twice a day and then, like, without booze. It just became bad vibes.’
Speaking about how he quit hard alcohol, he explained once again it was wife Cherry that put things into focus.
He recalled: ‘Two months before Lyra was born, Cherry said, “If my waters break, do you really want someone else to drive me to the hospital?”
‘Because I was just drinking a lot. And that’s when it clicked. I was like, “No, actually, I really don’t.” And I don’t ever want to be p***ed holding my kid. Ever, ever.
‘Having a couple of beers is one thing. But having a bottle of vodka is another thing. It’s just a realization of, “I’m getting into my thirties. Grow up! You’ve partied, you’ve had this experience. Be happy with that and just be done.”
‘I love red wine, and I love beer. I don’t know any old rockers that aren’t alcoholics or sober, and I didn’t want to be either.’
The death of Jamal from a combination of cocaine and booze, has cemented Ed’s feelings about drugs.
He insisted: ‘I would never, ever, ever touch anything again, because that’s how Jamal died. And that’s just disrespectful to his memory to even, like, go near.’
The star paid tribute to Jamal – whom he dedicated his new song Eyes Closed to -earlier this year with a moving freestyle that he filmed at Stamford Bridge, the home of Chelsea FC, of whom Jamal was a fan.
During an interview with BBC News, Ed said he believes he wouldn’t be the star he is now without Jamal’s support.
‘I really don’t think I would have been given the opportunities that I was given had it not been for Jamal putting his arm around me,’ he said.