Ask Jay is ZUMI’s weekly relationship advice column
I’m a 24-year-old lady in a relationship of two years with a 25-year-old man. He has been in another relationship for about 5 years now. The truth is that I really love this guy. I knew he had a relationship before I started to date him. But I thought I’d be able to handle it since I wasn’t intending to take his girlfriend’s place.
I give him his space and I don’t interfere in his relationship. But at times he seems insensitive to my own emotions. For instance, he receives his girlfriend’s calls in my house when he comes around. Most times they talk for up to an hour. Often times, I just wonder why he can’t receive those calls when he leaves my house.
My major problem now is that I have tried breaking up with him more than three times but he keeps coming back. He works perfectly on my emotions and finds his way back into my life. There was even one time he was the one who ended things but he still came begging.
I don’t know what to do anymore because I feel guilty all the time. It’s difficult to deal with what I feel because he’s the very first person I have ever loved. He claims to love me but I don’t know how possible that is.
P.S: We have never had sex before, we only make out. I really don’t know what he wants and how to just let go of him. Please, I need advice.
The situation you’ve gotten yourself into can be challenging but one thing is for sure, you have to get yourself OUT of it.
You say you have not had sex with this guy as if that’s the only way a person can be used, but you’re being used anyway. He uses you to stroke his ego and make himself feel wanted then discards you after he gets what he needs. The fact that he doesn’t see a problem with talking to his girlfriend while he’s in the same room with you shows how easily he can disregard your feelings.
You deserve better than being someone else’s backup and side piece. Whether he loves you or not isn’t the question here. He isn’t committed to you and since you’re giving him all he needs without getting anything in return, he has no reason to.
So end things with this man immediately. Breakups are hard and yes when you love someone, they have a way of manipulating your emotions. Stop letting it happen. Delete his number. Block him from calling you. If he calls with a different number, hang up when you hear his voice. Unfollow him on social media. Do not see him. Do not talk to him!
This is easier said than done but I assure you, someday when you meet someone that loves you and only you, you’ll be glad you did not waste one more minute with this guy.
What do you think she should do in this situation? Please share your thoughts in the comment section. Also, read Jay’s advice to a woman who cannot tell if her boyfriend loves her.
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