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Important Conversations About In-Laws Every Couple Must Have

December 14, 2018

They say when you marry someone, you’re also marrying his family. To a large extent, this is true. And usually, this isn’t a problem if everyone involved understands boundaries and are respectful to one another. But there are situations where your in-laws can be more than you bargained for. And what’s worse is that you only realize all of this after you have tied the knot.

To keep the rug from being pulled from under your feet, you and your partner should have some conversations about in-laws before saying “I do.” Set your boundaries earlier on and be clear on your limits. Make sure you both agree on the issues below:

Living in your marital home

You don’t want to be queening in your marital home one minute and your sister-in-law is moving in the next without some form of heads-up. Not everyone is cool with in-laws taking up temporary/permanent residence in their home. So don’t just assume your husband won’t mind putting up with your kid brother. You and your partner should be clear on what the rules are before marriage. Is this completely banned? Or would one or both of you prefer some weeks notice before a decision like that is taken? Even if you’re both cool with in-laws staying over, how long is too long?

(Photo: Your Tango)

Financial responsibilities

You and /or your man may be financially supporting your family members, which is fantastic. But how will it work after marriage? Will you both set-out a part of the budget for in-law support or will each partner deal with his/her own family responsibilities separately? Is he expected to take over paying your cousin’s school fees as soon as you get married? And are you expected to pitch in to help him build a house for his parents?

Visiting the in-laws

How often will you visit each other’s families? If they are out of state or out of the country, a tentative schedule can be helpful. You can both make plans in consideration of your respective jobs or businesses. Which holidays will you be spending alone as a couple and which ones will you be celebrating with your in-laws?

You may not completely iron out these conversations about in-laws before marriage but having an idea of each other’s opinion will be very helpful. So you know the things that you’ll explicitly disallow and those you may be willing to negotiate on.