Do not change to please a lover. Do not change your identity to earn or get a relationship. Any man or woman who wants to love you must do so without seeking to change you. They either love you as you are or leave you alone.
If we had a kobo for every time we have heard people say this, we would be a millionaire in dollars.
Over and over again, it has been said to people seeking to fall in love, to single people looking for the best relationship advice before leaping into an emotional connection with another person. Relationship experts and love gurus would teach it alongside some other important tips to being happy in a relationship. They say it is key to being in love and feeling fulfilled while in it.
While the advice is not false in its entirety, it surely needs to be qualified for it to make any sense, and for it to be applicable. The idea that you should not change anything about yourself so as to score a relationship with man or woman presupposes the idea that there is nothing about you that needs changing.
The saying suggests that you are datable and amazing just as you are. And, really, if that is the case with you, then you surely have nothing to change. Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke!
Anyone who is too blind to see how much of a fantastic person you are, any man or woman who needs to fundamentally change aspects of your refined character, elevated spirit and developed mind so as to accommodate them is probably not good enough for you.
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A relationship with someone should ideally accentuate, not down. the good things, the wonderful traits and beautiful features in you!
On the flipside of this change coin, if you are the type whose character is flawed, whose mentality is underdeveloped and whose spirit is y et unrefined, then maybe that advice is not for you!
Really, the popular opinion that you should never change yourself to get a relationship goes only as far as the development of your mind, and the state of your reality.
If you are nowhere near the standard you have created in your mind for a potential partner, then you surely need to change!
To get that relationship you crave, you must change! People who are on the level you hope to date from, will hardly date from below, too! As you hope for an excellent partner, they, too, hope for an excellent partner. As you have a list of standards to be met before a guy or babe is considered good enough for you, so do they, too!
And how do you know whether or not you need to change or do better? The simple trick is in asking yourself if you would date yourself and honestly answering that question. Consider all you would love to see in a partner. Do you see them in yourself? If the answer is no, then the advice to not change before getting a relationship does not apply to you!