Transgender man who gave birth to his son criticizes those calling him ‘mother’ and people need to stop linking pregnancy with being a woman
A father has complained that nurses insisted on calling him ‘mom’ during his pregnancy despite being a man.
Bennett Kaspar-Williams, 37, from Los Angeles, first realised he was trans around ten years ago, in 2011, but didn’t begin his transition until three years later.
Then six years later, in 2017 he found Malik, his future husband – who he married in 2019.
The couple decided that they wanted to have children, and weighed the options available to them because it meant Bennett stopping the testosterone hormone therapy he’d been on for several years.
Bennett, who has had surgery on the top half of his body but not on his genitalia, eventually decided that he would be comfortable trying to conceive and carrying a child.
Two years after beginning hormone treatment, in the summer of 2015, Bennett had surgery to remove his breasts – paying $5,000 for the procedure.
Recalling how it took the operation to make him realise how unhappy he was about having female breasts, he said: ‘It was really liberating. I had this feeling that it was something that I needed to do, but I never had a self-hatred of my breasts, like some trans people.
‘I had no dysphoria about certain body parts and still don’t.
‘But I never could have anticipated what a relief it would be to find them gone. It was a huge weight off my shoulders.
He gave birth via caesarean section in October 2020, having a beautiful baby boy named Hudson.
But while in the hospital, Bennett says he was constantly misgendered – even with a beard and a flat chest.
‘The only thing that made me dysphoric about my pregnancy was the misgendering that happened to me when I was getting medical care for my pregnancy,’ he said.
‘The business of pregnancy – and yes, I say business, because the entire institution of pregnancy care in America is centred around selling this concept of “motherhood” – is so intertwined with gender that it was hard to escape being misgendered.
Even with a full beard, a flat chest, and a ‘male’ gender marker on all my identification, people could not help but default to calling me “mom”, “mother”, or “ma’am”.
‘That was what made me dysphoric.
‘Nothing about being pregnant felt “feminine” to me – in fact, I think carrying a child, isolated due to the pandemic, and facing all the hospitals and appointments alone was the absolute toughest, bravest thing I’ve ever done.
‘Nothing feels stronger than being able to say I’m a dad who created my own child.’
He says the best thing about being a dad is seeing Hudson share his new discoveries.
‘When he discovers he can do something new, and runs over to me shouting “Dada!” – that is my best moment,’ said Bennett.
He added that it’s beautiful to see how unclouded children are by prejudice.
‘Children are these amazing beings that don’t see the world with the same bias and preconceptions that adults do,’ said Bennett.
‘To my son, there’s nothing more natural and normal than having a Dada and a Papa, and when he’s old enough, he will also come to know that his Dada was the one who carried him and took care of him so he could come into this world.’
‘Children see love, they see patience, and they see commitment.’
‘My son will no doubt accept that he came from me, just as he accepts all the other love and beauty around him – with open arms.’
Bennett and Malik share their journey online on the Instagram accounts @Bennettonpurpose, @Malikdubs, @Hudsonsdads and @Designedbymalik.